Life

Oasis In a Black Hole

'They're old dollars.'

Apr 18 •

Spring Before Summer

'I celebrated my 20th birthday in jail.'

Apr 4 •

Most Punchable Face

'The fatties will get skinny, the skinnies will die!'

Mar 20 •

'The last time we smoked weed together, my mother passed me a joint and, said, 'Son, smoking is bad for you.''

Feb 6 •

Her Name Was Tonya

‘Her thick pubic hair glared at me in reproach.’

Jan 30 •

'Whenever things get difficult, I want to get away.'

Jan 23 •

Warts Don't Come Easy

'The last thing you want to hear from a health professional is that something on your body has spread roots and formed a colony.'

Jan 16 •

'You know what they call people like you in Eastern Europe?'

Jan 9 •

Waiting For Masha

‘Gosh, you live in a shithole.’

Dec 5, 2024 •

Trust Me, I’m Lying

‘She looked offended, as if I had just offered her sex.’

Nov 14, 2024 •

If I Was Honest On My Job Applications

‘Arrogant, selfish, unable to cooperate.’

Nov 7, 2024 •

Friends Among Strangers

'Quiet! The Russian is back. Don’t make a sound!'

Oct 24, 2024 •

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